Far from home...

It's been already two months since I'm away from home... It's not as easy as I thought it would be cause I've struggled with the language, the transportation, the jetlag, the different costumes and so much more... The hardest was the barrier of the communication  cause Im supposed to take of a girl but how was suppossed to do it if I couldnt make myself understand... It took me like three weeks in order to learn the basic phrases to communicate with her. After my first month here I was able to understand people when they talked to me and now Im able to express myself much much better than before :)
Trying not be homesick hasnt been easy... it was worst when I got sick cause I really missed them... I needed someone to take care of me or tell me what to take like my father used to do... It was one hell of a week which I survived.
Being here I have encounter myself again with my first love... JESUS he has been sending people to show me that I'm not alone and that others have gone through similar things like me...
Im so happy that I have met some latin people cause we have similar mentality :)
Like people say: What doesnt kill u... makes u stronger

May... what a month

I promised to myself that I would write at least once month until everything goes back to normal in my life. This month started with my decision of quitting my job which wasnt as easy as I thought it would be. It was my second home for 8 years. Years filled mainly with happiness,nervousness and also tears. As I was saying goodbye to my second home I found out that there was a family interested in me so now I have my family in France wich I was expecting since December. But that was just the beggining of my month then We had to prepare everything for Santiago`s b-day. Preparing a b-day party aint that easy... Many things have to be done in order to have a perfect party. While I was running here and there preparing the celebration for my nephew I was also learning how to cook and rewriting some of the things for the defense of my project. It was my surprise when one night I decided to look at the school`s blog... well It was just as I left it the last time, no impovemnets and no updates. That`s when I learned not to trust ur so even called best friend. It was irreponsable of her but it was my fault for trusting her. So u could say that I got really stressed plus I had to go the daycare in order for me to go to France.
My dad thereatened not to let me travel to France unless I have my title so It was a hard month x me. The weekend in Laguna Volcan was really helpful for me cause I got to realax and spend time with my family without arguing. I really hope to get my degree and diploma by July.

Trying to find myself

It`s been awhile since I wrote here but there were so many things going on around me than I just didnt feel like writing anything...
Lately I`ve felt so lost... Ive met people from many countries such as Holland, Canada, Finland, France, Colombia and Brazil. All of them have made me realize that Im not living my life the way I want to cause of my parents. Im 25 but they still treat me as if I was 15... maybe its because Im the last one and they feel like they are losing me... They dont realize that they are hurting me cause they say that I dont respect them whenever I go out too much or arrive too late according to them... Many people cant believe that I have a curfue but I do. They say that as long as I live under their roof I have to follow their rules... I really hope that to find a family soon so I can go to France

Despedida

Hace más de un año y medio que entraste en mi vida provocando un tsunami... Desorden total... Noches de lágrimas y días de  alegría... Días en que no quería nada más que estar a tu lado... Desvelo ocultado por el maquillaje.
Contigo conocí un lado mío que nunca pensé que tenía. Siempre me gusto tener las cosas bajo control y planearlo todo. Contigo nunca planeé nada... así como tampoco planeé enamorarme locamente como lo hice. De un día para otro decidiste que ya no me amabas y yo respeté tu decisión aunque por dentro moría. No sabes cuantas veces quise llamarte...pedirte que me digas que pasó con  todos los planes que hicimos de casarnos, vivir juntos y tener hijos...pero solo lloraba y recordaba todo los momentos que pasamos...


 Desapareciste como una estrella fugaz.  Después volviste y me dijiste que te equivocaste y que me extrañas...Yo ingenua... volví a caer en tu juego, ya que era más fácil estar contigo que sin tí. No te pedí explicaciones aunque se que tampoco me las ibas  a dar... ya que dijiste: " Todo quedó en el pasado. Miremos hacia adelante".


Después de un tiempo me di cuenta que es muy difícil volver unir un vidrio que se ha roto en miles de pedazos. El amor que una vez sentí por tí ya no era el mismo...  tú nunca hiciste ningún esfuerzo por ganarlo de vuelta. No fue suficiente Lo Siento y Te Amo. 
Noches enteras pensé en como decirte que ya no sentía lo mismo... pero mi miedo a estar sola se apoderó de mí, así que decidí no decir nada y seguir tu juego. Juego en el cual la única lastimada fui yo otra vez...   No me malinterpretes pero tu y yo solo fuimos un error... 
Tu seguiste con tu vida y yo intento seguir con la mía... Sabes muy bien que siempre te querré... porque odiarte nunca podré.


Como dice la canción de Julieta Venegas:
" Es tan bueno despedirnos... como habernos conocido... 
 Es tan bueno aceptar... la derrota como fue luchar... 
Por lo que tuvimos tu y yo y se acabó... 
Por eso brindemos hoy..."

Inmisericorde

Ramas desnudas y hojas rojas de arce

 

Te amo inmisericorde, con el desaliño de esta libertad golondrina que corta el aire.

Te amo en el reflejo de la otrora laguna, congelada de lágrimas antiguas, vertedero de recónditas penas ya inútiles; ahora glaciar presuntuoso que intenta tocar el Sol para regresar, agua vuelta felicidad al roce con tu amor.

Te amo destilado; rocío que embriaga mi cuerpo y pernocta en mi desnudez.

Te amo centrifugado en las voraces aspas de ansias tiranas.

Te amo reciclado, impuro, impoluto, cíclico, cíclope, vidente absoluto de las redondeces de esta tierra, de las vueltas de los días tras el descorrer de las cortinas.  

Te amo sobreentendido en el desprendimiento concertado de las mustias hojas de las yertas ramas.  

Te amo inexplicable, acertijo al ras de la locura, a las puertas de la inconsciencia.

Te amo incansable, fuente inagotable de maná para el hambriento.   

Te amo inmediato, inminente, instantáneo, diluido como el café en el torrente de mis venas, sucedáneo del tiempo, repetido en cada letanía de reloj, suspendido, levitando en las fronteras en que oscilan los segundos.

Te amo completo, todo: tú, yo.


                                                                                                 Fuente:http://eldiariodeveronika.blogspot.com